How Much Longer?
One of the most powerful questions that literally changed the course of my life.
Picture it. Circa 2009. A Coffee Shop in Chelsea, NYC. A question posed by my first life coach Anna Goldstein (Self in the City) during one of our many session. This question got me good. I felt scared yet exhilarated and my answer was TWO MORE WEEKS! Two more weeks and then I will be ready to make the change.
See, I was in a toxic relationship. I was self sabotaging not only my romantic relationship yet the most important relationship, the one with myself. I was in a relationship that made me feel like shit. I was stood up, I was lied too (over and over again), I was straight-up disrespected, and while I was hoping for a commitment, in reality I wasn’t even committed to myself and my own happiness. I was in a TOXIC LIFE.
Yet, I wanted two more weeks of it. Two more weeks of the partying, the drinking, the crazy date nights (followed by the even crazier roll in the sack) with this man who was absolutely NO GOOD FOR ME. Two more weeks to let loose and go nuts. Two more weeks to postpone my life. For two more weeks, I gave myself permission to do whatever I wanted and boy did I!
Two weeks came and went and during my next session at that Chelsea Coffee shop I declared I AM READY! Holy shit was I ready to go big or go home. To go balls to wall, to show up 100% and claim the love life I deserved! Right there and then, I also threw up just alittle in my mouth. I knew my love life as I knew it was gone and change was coming fast and furious. I put my big girl panties on and let the journey begin!
Today as a love and relationship coach, I ask many women this question. How much longer do you want to be in this place, to feel this way, to live like this? Most women say, “No longer. I want to change now.” However, as in my experience I needed two weeks. Two weeks was my #TRUTH. Sure I could have said right now yet instead I took a gut check and ask myself how much longer and responded with a NO judgment answer of two more weeks. And I took what I needed. Because looking back at those two weeks, giving myself permission and allowing myself to just be, changed the course of my relationships. Those two weeks helped me see clearly about how I was showing up to my own life and I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel good. It actually felt like a slow death. Like a never ending tattoo pecking at my soul. Those two weeks showed me I deserved more. More respect, more happiness, more love, more faith in my worth. I needed to let go off the hoping, of the what if’s, of only if he would, and of all the utter bullshit. I needed two weeks! Two weeks later I put a stake in the ground and declared it. I started making my happiness a priority and I have not turned back.
Take a moment. Ask yourself HOW MUCH LONGER? Journal about it, call up a friend or better yet leave a comment below and let me help!
With courage, grace and lady balls,