Does the gift represent your relationship?


Whether you are newly dating, in a long-term relationship, newlyweds or on your silver anniversary, gifts play a part of the relationship. Especially during the holiday season we are more aware of gift giving. So, I began to wonder, does the gift represent the relationship and does it align with the values of the relationship?

Well, I was reading a book gifted from my secret Santa and I landed upon this quote…

“The roses, the lovely notes, the dining and dancing are all welcome and splendid. But when the Godiva is gone the gifts of real love is having someone who’ll go the distance with you. Someone who, when the wedding day limo breaks down, is willing to share a seat on the bus.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oh yeah did my man take that seat!!! It was a small, wobbly stool that I have owned for 8 years. As part of my vanity set, I have used it as a clothes rack, stepping stool and footrest.  Always wary that it would crack and break during use, since it was poorly assembled. But on one specific day, the stool remained strong and stable just like the man sitting in it.

It was a very cold and dark January 10th around 7 pm. At that moment my man gave me the greatest gift ever.  A gift that took tons of courage, support and love to deliver. It did cost him much, however, not in the way you may think. Not in dollars, but in facing one of his own fears.

I was lying in bed with a glass of red wine and looking terrible as I was just bawling my eyes out. I found out that my father passed away after suffering a major heart attack merely 24 days earlier. It was the absolute worst thing I could have ever imaged and felt totally vulnerable, lost and lonely. What do you say, what can you do, how do you comfort someone who just lost the most amazing father?  How do you show up for your partner?  All insane questions to think about and my man actually knew.  He pulled up that stool. He sat bravely looking at me with love and support and did not utter one word, not one. Just courageously sat there. The love, compassion and understanding just oozed from his being. For he had suffered similarly such a great lost. His older brother and best friend died at an early age of 21, he was 18. See, at young ages we both had encountered death in our families and saw how it changed the mothers of those who lost children. We both had first hand experience of how death can destroy life.  Therefore, we both had a fear of death and what it can do to someone and now it just landed straight in our newlywed laps.

Looking back at that moment, I now see the true meaning of a gift. In the past, before I started my pursuit to find fabulous in love, life and within my definition of a gift was the hottest new Rebecca Minkoff handbag. OMG, how wrong was I.

Today, I am crystal clear on my personal values of the relationship/marriage I want to be in – filled with love, support, compassion, strength, courage and laughter. My man gave me that gift that day and everyday in some way since. This is truly the essence and a representation of our relationship.

So, going back to my question does the gift represent the relationship and does it align with your values of the relationship? For me hellz yeah…what about for you? What is your definition of a gift and better yet are you crystal clear on your values for your relationship? Take some “me time” and journal about it. Let me know what you come up with? Feel free to share…

With courage, grace and lady balls,