It was October 29, 2010, a day I wasn’t sure I would ever experience.  I woke up at the wee hour of 4 am. After several runs to the bathroom, fear official kicked into high gear.  Will everyone have fun, will my family and friends even show up, will the music be entertaining, will the food taste great, will my dress fit, how will my hair and makeup look, will I look fat in the pictures, will I be tired, will I stay awake all day since I didn’t sleep, or will my wedding just suck-ass? I jumped on the crazy train, destination insanity.

Thank goodness for my six amazing bridesmaids and shout out specifically to Kristin for this particular situation. In her Long Island accent and tone as if she was speaking to an insane women, she said two things, one, “no bride has ever fallen asleep at her own wedding. You will be running on pure excitement, sleep or no sleep, you will stay awake” and two, “stop and take it all in, would ya.”

Kudos to Kristin, for her no holds bars talk. The day was simply AMAZING. From the dress to the food to the non-stop dancing, I soaked it all up and it felt great. All my favorite people in the world were in one room in celebration of a marriage that took years in the making. It doesn’t get more fabulous than that. Oh, and we must not forget the groom, he was the talk of the wedding because no one had ever seen a groom have so much fun at their own wedding. He danced non-stop, ate a ton of food and had a permanent beer bottle glued to his palm. That night he turned into my husband and I was and still am so proud to call him that.

So off we went on our honeymoon to Riviera Maya, Mexico, our first official trip as husband and wife. It was a challenging road to book this trip (more on that and traveling with your man another time) and I was stoked to be with him alone, on the beach, at an all-inclusive resort. Per my sister, the resort didn’t know what they were getting into having us two at an all-inclusive. Lets just say we got our moneys worth (we LOVE food and can eat and I mean ridiculously eat, oh and sip many cocktails too).  Ten amazing, adventurous, romantic, spontaneous, laugh till you cry days down till our departure and low and behold a full-blown, knock down dirty fight erupted.  It was filled with all your typical ingredients for disaster; yelling, screaming, throwing some shit across the room, taking off of the rings and the new hubby sleeping on the floor. Don’t ask me exactly what we were fighting about because I have no idea. What the hell happened? Ten days of bliss to one night of horror…

Holy shit I thought, did I just reach my threshold of happiness; did I use it all up and that’s it? I simple couldn’t handle anymore-joyful bliss so I just screwed it up? Did I automatically retreat to more familiar grounds of not feeling so great, especially around my romantic relationships? What the freak was going on here?

Well, thanks to the amazing Gay Hendricks, author of “The Big Leap,” I now realize I had an Upper Limit Problem going on strong on my wedding day and packed it up for the honeymoon.

Here’s the deal ladies…each of us has an internal thermometer for how much joyful bliss, wealth, happiness, love, and fabulousness we’ll let ourselves experience. That’s our upper limit setting and has been programmed from past experiences.

When we exceed our internal thermostat setting, and life gets freagin amazing (like we have an overload of money coming in, a big weight loss, a job promotion, a kick-ass relationship with really great sex) — we unconsciously do things to self-sabotage, we create a series of crazy thoughts and behaviors that will most definitely deflate our happiness and quickly retreat us back to the old and familiar place of not feeling so good.

Can you see the pattern here….total outrageous happiness and love for a period of time followed by majorly screwing it up.

Ok, so here are 3 tips to take down your upper-limit problem…

Step 1: BE AWARE: Just knowing about UPL (upper limit problem) and recognizing the patterns already puts you ahead of the game. You are not alone on this one. As you can see from my story it happens and not just one time but over and over again. Awesome news though….this is super-easy to squash when you bring forgiveness, compassion and self-awareness to the table.

Not gonna blow smoke up your skirt here, it does take work and a serious check of your ego and poor me attitude at the door.

Step 2. EXPAND YOUR TOLERANCE OF FABULOUNESS you’re willing to have in your life, starting now. This means being uber grateful for the present. Honor, respect and love the moment you are in and bask in the bliss. This most definitely includes acting upon it as well.

Tell your man you love and appreciate him; be grateful for the money you have piling up in the bank; the roof over your head; the awesome new pair of spring wedges on your feet; plus, take care of and nourish your body and soul anyway you can image.

Step 3. CODE RED: Go on high alert with ULP when tons of fabulousness is hitting you dead on.  Double up on your awareness of your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and actions when things in your life start getting so freakin outrageously delicious. Here is a useful question to ask yourself, “how much outrageous love, money and happiness am I willing to receive?

If your answer is anything like “a shit load,” then make sure you show up that way and align your thoughts, feeling and behaviors appropriately to feeling the shit load of fabulousness in your life.

So, are you up for the challenge? Can you think of a time where an Upper Limit Problem showed up in your life. Spill the beans here and please share. No joke, it feels really great writing about it…give it a shot here in a friendly, loving  place.

Interested in more tips and tools on Upper Limit Problems. If so, email info@jackiejaniec.com or click here to schedule an initial 30-minute chemistry call today.

I was introduced to the world of life coaching back in October of 2008. I was surfing the web and up popped on my screen  “Self in the City” Anna Goldstein, Life Coach www.selfinthecity.com.  Since I was and still am a huge fan of Sex in the City the name of her biz totally intrigued me.  At that moment I thought, hey, what do I have to lose? So, I schedule my first meeting in October 2008.

Fast forward to today, I was rummaging though my old journals to jog my memory on my old thoughts and behaviors back in the day when I was in a crappy, unfulfilling, and unhappy relationship to use in my work today as a coach.  See, back then, I was in a relationship rut, wait lets be honest, I was in relationship hell and desperately needed direction, support and encouragement to see love for myself and my relationship with a man in NEW ways.

And just look what I found…(click on the pic to enlarge)

My first thought, holy sh*t that happened and it’s all coming true as we speak. No freakin way. Immediately followed by being relieved. As a relationship coach, I teach and support these methods of facilitating positive change with you fabulous women and so happy that I am not just spewing some bullsh*t.

Here’s the deal, I did get married in 2010 at 34 and my man did move to NYC with me. We lived with my roommate for 1 year in NYC, however we did not have our own space. 35 rolled around in 2011 and my lovely roommate moved out and we began the baby making. And now in 2012 I am 36, we still live in NYC and still in the baby making stage.  So, stay tuned the year ain’t up yet.

So, what did I do to make my dreams come true?

Here are 3 doable tips to take action on right this second…

1. GET CLEAR on what you want. Take 5 minutes and think about it. What do you want for yourself?  What do you want out of life, your relationships, career, health, wealth? What does this look like for you? How does it make you feel? Sit quietly, close your eyes, take several deep breathes and think, feel and visualize it. Then…

2. WRITE IT DOWN. This is so important and really easy to do. Look at my chicken scratching above.  Write it in a journal, on a post-it note, use an app on your smartphone, a napkin from lunch, it doesn’t matter just write it down. By doing this, you are declaring it to the world and more importantly to yourself. So get to writing.

3. SHOW UP as if you already have it. And what I mean by this is behave, think and be what you want. For example, I wake up and set my intention to be a healthy, glowing, fit, energetic women. Therefore, I eat fresh fruits, drink tons of water, work out and get rest. I do not down 3 cups of coffee, grab a Snickers for lunch, 6 white wines for dinner and pass out with my make-up on. Then, throw in a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll sandwich for the quick hangover cure the next morning (actually, that was me in my early twenties).

When you set this clear intention, write it down and show up, you generate energy that is focused like a laser beam to go out and get it. If you set your intentions and have faith that you will have something you want, you will.

What are your dreams? What do you want? Share them here.
Interested in coaching with me? Email me at info@jackiejaniec.com or click here to schedule a complimentary 30-minute chemistry call today.

Are you ladies interested? Something I am working on that is real juicy. Stay tuned!

Well, I was reading a book gifted from my secret Santa and I landed upon this quote…

“The roses, the lovely notes, the dining and dancing are all welcome and splendid. But when the Godiva is gone the gifts of real love is having someone who’ll go the distance with you. Someone who, when the wedding day limo breaks down, is willing to share a seat on the bus.” –Oprah Winfrey

Oh yeah did my man take that seat!!! It was a small, wobbly stool that I have owned for 8 years. As part of my vanity set, I have used it as a clothes rack, stepping stool and footrest.  Always wary that it would crack and break during use, since it was poorly assembled. But on one specific day, the stool remained strong and stable just like the man sitting in it.

It was a very cold and dark January 10th around 7 pm. At that moment my man gave me the greatest gift ever.  A gift that took tons of courage, support and love to deliver. It did cost him much, however, not in the way you may think. Not in dollars, but in facing one of his own fears.

I was lying in bed with a glass of red wine and looking terrible as I was just bawling my eyes out. I found out that my father passed away after suffering a major heart attack merely 24 days earlier. It was the absolute worst thing I could have ever imaged and felt totally vulnerable, lost and lonely. What do you say, what can you do, how do you comfort someone who just lost the most amazing father?  How do you show up for your partner?  All insane questions to think about and my man actually knew.  He pulled up that stool. He sat bravely looking at me with love and support and did not utter one word, not one. Just courageously sat there. The love, compassion and understanding just oozed from his being. For he had suffered similarly such a great lost. His older brother and best friend died at an early age of 21, he was 18. See, at young ages we both had encountered death in our families and saw how it changed the mothers of those who lost children. We both had first hand experience of how death can destroy life.  Therefore, we both had a fear of death and what it can do to someone and now it just landed straight in our newlywed laps.

Looking back at that moment, I now see the true meaning of a gift. In the past, before I started my pursuit to find fabulous in love, life and within my definition of a gift was the hottest new Rebecca Minkoff handbag. OMG, how wrong was I.

Today, I am crystal clear on my personal values of the relationship/marriage I want to be in – filled with love, support, compassion, strength, courage and laughter. My man gave me that gift that day and everyday in some way since. This is truly the essence and a representation of our relationship.

So, going back to my question does the gift represent the relationship and does it align with your values of the relationship? For me hellz yeah…what about for you? What is your definition of a gift and better yet are you crystal clear on your values for your relationship? Take some “me time” and journal about it. Let me know what you come up with? Feel free to share…